The TV and Walls

I have been watching a lot of the Weight loss shows on TV lately, and it amazes me the amount of weight these folks lose in such a short amount of time. It makes me wonder if they keep it off, and what exactly their bodies look like when they finally lose all the weight.

There is one show, where a guy gives the fattie a year to lose as much weight as possible, and if they make their goal, they get plastic surgery to "shore" up the excess skin that I imagine drapes off of them like hotel curtains. While this doesn't disturb me, I do wonder what happens if they gain the weight back, and how it looks after the cutting and hemming process.

I do dig these shows, but I think they cover one of the keys to losing weight and becoming healthy overall rarely. I mean they somewhat show it, and it usually happens at the beginning of seasons, but I believe it gets lost in all the drama.

You are what you are, and to become something else, physically or even mentally there has to be a change. You have to step outside of your comfort zone and go for broke, this is the defining moment to me, the moment of grace where you actually think this whole nightmare might actually be worth something. They always show the people freaking out, crying, cursing their trainers with threats of flattening proportions, but you rarely see the actual moment that in all that cussing the person realizes, HEY, I am doing what I just spent 10 minutes saying there is no way I could.

I mean sure, once there are results, and the people are looking back they briefly lament on the moment with a shiny glassed-over look, but rarely do they fully show that moment when the tide has turned. I don't blame the shows though, it's probably not all that dramatic, and it probably happens so quickly that perhaps their cameras can't catch it. But to me, it's the defining moment in changing your life, and while it may seem to be the most obvious statement made, it somehow is a moment that many miss in their attempts to be successful at this weight loss thing leaving them stuck at a wall they feel is unbreakable.

This moment is so important, because you realize that you can have all the excuses in the world, all the injuries, breathing problems, etc...etc.... but if you can just find a way to make it work, if someone can kick yer can outside of your comfort box for just a minute, you will continue to leave that box and find what works for you in the pursuit to be in better shape.

I was told by doctors, many of them, that I would never get below 275, that I would never be able to run because of my knee surgeries, and that I would have to have 3 epidurals for the rest of my life because my back was completely out of whack. And so far, not one of those things has been true. Sure, I've had to creatively find ways to get past those boundaries, and there are plenty of times that I certainly could have used, and probably did use, their excuses as to why I wasn't as fit as I should be. But ultimately, I am so glad I hit that point where I thought there was no going forward, and then managed to trip and fall past it realizing what I thought of as the end was actually something I could push past.

So here's to tripping up, and going past what you think is normal. Try to have that moment where you think you can't possibly go any further, then take a step or two further and see what happens, hopefully if it hurts it only hurts for a little bit and you can go at it again. And if you need someone to yell at you and get you to lug them around while carrying tractor tires, let me know and we can work something out.

Oh, and I forgot to post last week at the 2 week weigh in, I lost 4.6 pounds. Technically this means I need to lose 5.4 pounds in this two week period. I think I can I think I can I s'pose!!

First 5k of the season Sort of.....

I was dreading this race, I kept thinking about the fact I was so out of shape, and that my actual running was very slow. I was dreading the embarrassment of being the last person to finish, of being a fat guy running down the street....slowly. And, I had a million reasons not to run, it was going to rain, my legs were still sore from Tuesday's workout..etc...etc.... But I won out, I ran it regardless.

It didn't turn out the way I would have liked it to, I was late to race as I walked from work to the race and the race started 15 minutes before I thought it was supposed to, meaning I was at the back of the pack. 12,000 people walking/jogging/running down a 3 lane road meant that my first mile took me 15 minutes, and like so many people I was next to, I should have pulled my camera out and took pictures.

Second mile was better, I was able to find a small group of people wedging their way through the slow moving pack and finished it 20 seconds over nine minutes. Third mile met with some more bottle-necking, and a turn in the course, but I still finished just under 10 minutes.

This left a half mile, the race isn't a true 5k, it's just called that. It's actually 3.5 miles, which is fine for me, as for the last half mile I was able to actually run and even opened the last half of it.

So not a good gauge of my capabilities, but still a good race, and I figure a good workout. More importantly, I was able to call myself on the bullshit excuses I had come up with in order to duck and run from what I perceived to be an embarrassing situation. So I will call that the ultimate win in this race.

The results are in......

The goal this month, not to weigh myself for 1 month. I still needed to lose 10 pounds, on top of the 5 pounds I was behind from the previous month. But I did not allow myself to weigh in until June 1st. So, how did I do?? Well, I lost 10 pounds. I still have that dreaded 5 looming over my head, but I managed to stay on track with the long term goal.

So what did I learn by not weighing myself for a month? I learned to appreciate the other signs of weight loss such as sagging pants, or that belt notch that I am oh so close to moving down from. I was able to gauge where I was from how my workouts were going, and I swear, by everything holy, I could see my torso getting smaller. The most important thing I took away from it was that while it's easy to monitor my weight loss by quantified methods, that number is sure a great way to say every week, "I must hit it," there is actually something a bit more satisfying about relying on how I feel, and paying attention to the health of my body to gauge the weight loss.

On somewhat of a downside, I also learned that I procrastinate, I started off kind of weak, as I figured I had a month to make up for it. And I learned that you really start to question and dread the last few days, getting somewhat antsy about the results, with no clue about where you might stand.

So, I think waiting a month between weigh ins is too long, but I still think weighing myself weekly is too much. For now, I am going to set up micro goals and weigh myself every two weeks. Giving the fluctuation a little time to even out, I am going to initially set my goal at 5 pounds every two weeks, keeping in form with the original goal, but as I have a little catch up to do, I'll be stretching for 6, nothing wrong with being a little crazy methinks.

the anticipation

So my trip is done, and now I am waiting in anticipation for the weigh in on Wednesday. My running is getting better, the diet is doing ok, but getting back into the habit is the most important part and I think I'm getting there. Sometimes it is a struggle, but I think I am winning, I just hope the numbers on Wed will echo the struggle that I have gone through the last month.

Before the diet, before the workouts is the mental fight. Convincing myself that I can workout, that I can work through the pain, and perceived embarrassment of working out in public, fat guy running down the trail, waddle waddle waddle.

Back home now, time to restart the routine. Let's hope for good news on Wednesday.

The word fat, and jiggling down the sidewalk

I hate the negative connection the word fat brings to those that are overweight. I hate seeing it used as an insult, as the define all insult against someone. Fat people need to realize, yes we're fat, we jiggle a bit. And we need to either become comfortable with it or realize the issue and work on solving the problem.

What do I hate more than the ability of fat to make an overweight person breakdown? I hate that because of the strong connection with the word I still have a complex when running or biking in public. This was a small hurdle for me last week, small because it was really nothing more than a hesitation, but it still irked me that I was embarrassed at my attempt to become more healthy, and that while I was running it would occasionally pop in my head that I was indeed jiggling down the sidewalk. We all start somewhere and it really irritated me that I know this and yet still felt slight amounts of embarrassment.

So to my fat friends, please stop letting the word mean such a negative thing. Don't let it discourage you from becoming what you want. The whole trip is to become more healthy, being smaller is just the benefit to it. I will continue to jiggle, bike, and run down the paths and roads, I'm in this to become more healthy and gain strength and endurance and I need to remember that THAT is what is important.

An Experiment

So, I want to see how big of a motivator the scale can be. I sometimes feel like I am so focused on the number of pounds loss that I lose sight of the fact I'm doing this to be more healthy and more in shape. Thus, I will not touch the scale until the end of May. I'm still going to workout and eat a balanced diet, and of course I'll document how that is going. But no scale until June

Here goes......

Procrastination and creating motivation out of thin air

So here I sit. Uploading photos, chatting with friends, and writing my blog. all in procrastination of getting on the machine staring at me from the corner of my room, daring me, taunting me to miss my workout adding to a notsogood day of candy bars and half arsed dieting. Sometimes the motivation is just not there and it seems impossible that I am going to actually working out.

So here I sit. Thinking that if I just had the confidence and motivation I used to have, it wouldn't even be a question. I would have been done with the workout, very happy that I had almost killed myself pushing the boundaries of what myself and my machine could do. How do I get that motivation back. Perhaps this blog will do it.

So here I sit. remembering when I was smaller, remembering when I was this weight last time, and every time I looked in the mirror I saw a smaller than before person. Completely different than this time, where now when I look in the mirror I see the smaller person I had become, now inflated due to my bad choices and laziness.

Then I remember, that's what it's all about. The confidence, the confidence and respect you have for yourself when doing this or anything else. See, sometimes I think I get wrapped up into the used to, and the could of, and I forget that there is the right now, and that no matter my size I am still me and I am still capable of being any size. It just takes a little kicking of the mental arse, because like I've said a hundred times over, it's 80% mental, 20% actual work.

So, no more sitting......